© David Staume 2006

Cultivating an androgynous mind

It seems to me that we are all blends of masculine and feminine energies, whatever our gender. If so, the term ‘masculine’ is not synonymous with ‘male’, nor ‘feminine’ with ‘female’. Continuing this line of reasoning, if we exhibit only masculine traits, or only feminine traits, we would only be half a person. To be a whole person we would have to be able to be both, masculine and feminine, and able to emphasise whichever is most appropriate in the circumstances.

Yes, just when you thought that you were coming to grips with being a man or a woman, someone comes along and tells you that you have to be both. But before you run off to buy a new wardrobe, I'm talking about cultivating an androgynous mind, learning to be both man and woman in our thoughts, feelings, and reactions.

In Eastern philosophy, masculine energy is called yang and is emissive, feminine energy is called yin and is receptive, and we unconsciously seek to balance these energies within ourselves. If yang is dominant within us and we need to strengthen our yin to achieve balance, we will generally be attracted to a partner with a preponderance of yin. If yin is dominant within us and we need to strengthen our yang to achieve balance, we will generally be attracted to a partner with a preponderance of yang. This philosophy sees our sexual preferences as an outward reflection of an internal process.

We sometimes hear people refer to their life-partner as their ‘other half’ – and it’s an apt description. If the concept of androgyny is correct, our relationships demonstrate our innate desire to be whole people.

But being a whole person means that we should develop and balance these qualities within ourselves, and not just look for them in the outer world. Until both our masculine and our feminine sides are strong and balanced we will continue to be dependent on others for our energy needs. So men should seek to awaken their feminine side – or if they are overly feminine, their masculine side; and women should seek to awaken their masculine side - or if they are overly masculine, their feminine side.

To get a better idea of what is masculine and what is feminine, here are some of their attributes side by side:

When we look at this list we can see that to be a fully functioning being we need both sets of qualities. For example, we should use our masculine energy to sing our heart out to an audience, then our feminine energy to drink in their applause. We should use our masculine energy to seek out a wise teacher, then our feminine energy to absorb their wisdom. We should use our masculine energy to create ideas, then our feminine energy to give them form and structure. Our masculine energy to push away a sexual predator, our feminine energy to embrace a distressed friend. Our masculine energy to lose a vice, our feminine energy to gain a virtue. Our masculine energy when in the presence of the weak and immoral, and our feminine energy in the presence of something greater than ourselves, such as the cosmos.

One place where it’s easy to see that we need both qualities is in our relationship with children. It is typical of masculine energy to distance ourselves from our children, to push them away, while it is typical of feminine energy to be receptive, and pull them toward us. But both energies are necessary. If a man follows his masculine tendencies exclusively he will damage his children. When a child falls over, for example, the attitude of ‘get up and be a man’ may occasionally be the right one, but if he says it every time, his coldness will wound them. To be a whole person the man must be able to display his feminine side.

Similarly, women need to know how to be masculine. They need to be able to push their children away, to distance themselves when that is what is good for the child. Pushing away, at the right times, can be the perfect expression of love, because without it our children will never be truly able to stand by themselves.

To be a good parent, and whole person, we have to be able to be both masculine and feminine, and be wise enough to know when it’s the right time to emphasize one, and when it’s the right time to emphasize the other.

The concept of androgyny frees us from gender stereotypes. It shows us that to 'be a man' is about more than just exhibiting masculine traits, and to 'be a woman' is about more than just exhibiting feminine traits. It's a valuable concept that puts balance and clarity into the confusing world of gender.

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