Self Improvement
Don't think about your faults. There's a much better way to eliminate them.
We are all works in progress, so having weaknesses or destructive behaviours that we struggle to control or eliminate is part of being human. These could be annoying personal habits that lurk near the surface and wait for us to let our guard down, or they could be serious self-destructive flaws.
We’re talking here about things like procrastination, intolerance, being overly critical - or perhaps having a weakness for doughnuts. It could be alcoholism, a violent temper, depression, racial prejudice, an addiction to coffee, or to sex, or a fascination with bright lights, spinning wheels and the promise of a jackpot.
Conventional wisdom says that if we want to eliminate negative character traits we have to prod them, poke them, dig deep into them, analyse them, understand them, and spend years on the couch trying to find out where they come from. To what extent are they nature? To what extent are they nurture? We must know our enemies before we can defeat them.
But conventional wisdom is wrong. This is not good philosophy. It’s ineffective, if not counterproductive, and it’s expensive. Fortunately, there is a better approach, and it is two-fold. First, we should ignore our faults - we shouldn’t think about them ... at all. And second, we should concentrate on developing the opposite virtue.
When we try to eliminate something from our character that’s causing us heartache, we are focusing on something that has - almost by definition - become a significant part of us. You may have heard the saying that nature abhors a vacuum because it always rushes in to fill every available space. Well eliminating your faults creates a vacuum, and nature - in her consistency - will always rush in to fill it. The path of least resistance is for nature to fill the gap with what was there before, with the result that we find ourselves back where we started.
Imagine a garden-bed full of weeds. If we weed it and leave the earth bare, the weeds will come back. But if we plant some daisies there, the daisies will keep the weeds away. Similarly, if we weed out our faults and plant nothing in their place, we’re doomed. Plant the opposite virtue, however, and our faults will go for good.
To get to the root cause of a weakness or negative trait can take years - that is, if we can get there at all. All that effort, and it’s not really necessary. Do we need to know how the weeds got into our garden to be able to pull them out? No. Do we need to know where a trait comes from to be able to eliminate it? Well, it could help us stop the trait coming back, but planting the opposite virtue does the same, and it does it more effectively.
Another reason for ignoring our faults and concentrating instead on the opposite virtue relates to the power and mechanism of thought. Thought seems to empower whatever it’s directed toward. It’s a powerful tool - a wonderful one if we know what we’re doing, but a dangerous one if we don’t. If we imagine ourselves having a particular quality we’re well on our way to having it, for what we think we are likely to become. This means that if we agonize over our excesses, we will probably never be rid of them. If we dwell on our faults, we will probably only exacerbate them. If we berate ourselves for our weaknesses, we will probably only increase their capacity to enslave us.
If you want to eliminate negative personality traits, my advice is don’t brood over them. Don’t think about them. To get the immense power of thought on your side you have to concentrate on developing the virtue opposite to the fault or weakness that you are now, hopefully, going to ignore. So if your weakness is that you take everything to excess, ignore it. Instead, concentrate on and imagine yourself as being moderate in all things. If your weakness is that you bristle at the slightest annoyance, ignore it, and instead, concentrate on and imagine yourself as being calm and tolerant. If your weakness is sex, doughnuts, cocaine or tobacco, ignore it, and instead concentrate on and imagine yourself as being independent, because whatever you turn your mind to, realization will tend to follow.
Who wants to spend years getting to know their faults and at the end of it all still having them? Yes, yes, I know, lots of people probably, but you and I don’t have to be one of them! I think that planting daisies is less work, more fun, and much more effective!