These are your guaranteed ‘stars’ for the month of April 2008. Conveniently, I’ve been able to encapsulate them all into the one reading. So if you’re an Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius or Capricorn – this is what you can expect.

This month will bring you in touch with someone you've never met before, and you will receive something from them. This will happen in a shop somewhere within a few kilometers from your home.

You will misplace your mobile phone this month, but quickly find it, though many Taureans will have to call themselves to locate it.

Neptune will cause you to eat something that you probably shouldn't, and the passing of the Moon through Gemini will cause your metabolism to be less efficient than it was a decade ago.

A small amount of plaque will adhere to an artery this month but you will experience no symptoms.

You will get the feeling that other people don't extend to you the full quota of courtesy that you so richly deserve, and that you really should be richer for all the creativity and hard work you have generated in your life so far.

Someone will enquire about your health this month, but they are not really interested in a list of your symptoms.